March 26, 2013  

Today’s Lie: I Need to Keep My Crappy Job For the Health Benefits

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health benefitsThe Bull 3

 

 

For those of you in a job you hate, how many times have you said, “I need the job for the benefits,” or something like that?

This is such a fun and ironic lie that needs to be BullBusted!  The story goes something like this:

“I need to get, or keep, a shitty job I hate, in which I’ll never be promoted or get the salary I deserve, because it gives me health benefits.  If I don’t have health benefits, I can’t afford my medical bills.  If I can’t afford my medical bills, I can’t stay healthy.  If I can’t stay healthy, I can’t work.  If I can’t work, I have no way to support myself….”

 

 

The Bust

 

Take a look at your paycheck! Have you noticed that you are LOSING money every year, all to keep your crappy job, for health benefits?  Your health cost contribution is RISING every year, and you are making out worse every year by holding on to that paycheck.

work sickHere is the best part!  If you are suffering from any health issues, they probably stem from, either, stress and disappointment from spending so much time in a job you hate, or sitting down all day in front of a computer with bad posture, to complete the tasks of the job you hate.  So, your crappy job is making you UNhealthy, oh, but thank goodness you have health coverage to pay for the doctor!  And the more you depend on this crappy job, the sicker it makes you, and thus the bigger become your health concerns, and the more expensive your doctor bills, all helping you “prove” to yourself that you need this crappy job to survive!

YOUR CRAPPY JOB IS MAKING YOU SICK!

And the real kicker is, if you did work you loved, you’d be less stressed, more happy, and that would make you less sick, and then you’d need the doctor less!

Do you see the power we have in our own life?  We can so easily justify ourselves into a loophole that disempowers us from even trying to live differently because we’ve already proven the outcome to ourselves, which in turn, makes it easy to justify doing NOTHING to try and make ourselves happy!  Apparently, we prefer to bitch and moan about having a crappy job, and be surrounded by other people complaining about theirs.  Really???

If you’re ready to step into a more courageous place in your career, here are some tips to help you do it:

  1. Ask yourself why you’re at this job, still.  What are you receiving that you believe you can’t live without?
  2. Get creative and make a list of other ways you could obtain those needs, outside your current job.
  3. Figure out how to take action on turning your list into a reality
  4. Set up a complimentary BullBusting session to hone in these steps and boot the bull standing in your way!

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March 19, 2013  

Today’s Lie: It’s Bad to Fail

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failureThe Bull 3We spend a great deal of our lives trying to avoid failure. It’s been bred into us. Bad grades at school = failure. Not getting a job = failure. Sucking at something you’re supposed to be good at = failure. The “oh shit, I better not fail at -” list is infinitely long. Do a mental check right now, I’m sure you can think of 5 things you try to avoid failing at in 60 seconds.

We judge failure as some all-too-real monster that follows us every day. Because we fear the failure monster, we run from it by strategizing, planning, and avoiding whatever our definitions of failure may be. Oh, and if we do fail, we just love to cover it up, don’t we?!

In our complete lack of brilliance, if, after all this planning, and sidestepping and avoiding we STILL fail, then

monsterwe go right into planning, and strategizing, how NEVER to fail again! We focus on the failure, beat ourselves up or, worse yet, find someone else to be the punching bag of blame, and then put in systems and processes to patch it up, and then continue onwards till the next feck up.

And we think we’ve licked failure. Boy, can we be naive sometimes!

 

The Bust

WE NEED FAILURE! Rather than running from it, we should be jumping TO it! Failure is the only way that we know we’ve dared to step outside our comfort zone, and it informs what we create from that moment.

Rather than blame someone for failing, we should THANK THEM for presenting us an opportunity for growth that we would potentially never have learned about if it wasn’t for them! And, if it was YOU that failed, jump up on a table, get a damn megaphone and SHOUT out with PRIDE that you failed!

Let me give a personal example to demonstrate why failure is so important. A few weeks ago, I had what I now refer to as a SPECTACULAR FAILURE. I am highlighting both words because they are both of equal weight and importance. I have been giving presentations for most of my career, that’s over 20 years. I’m used to receiving pretty good feedback. So, when I helped to develop a program that I then co-delivered, I was mortified to realize I was bombing in the moment. I felt something was off from the very beginning, and it was like watching a car pileup on the freeway that, just when you think it can’t get any worse, it does. My anxiety came out. I ignored my intuition to share my experience with the room and check in with them. I spoke as fast as the guy in the Matchbox Car ads used to in order to sidestep my realization that I didn’t know how to recover.

When I went to the bathroom at a break, I had to muster a lot of courage to return to the meeting room. This truly sucked.

Remember that scene from Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw falls on her face on the runway in front of the press and all her friends? I guarantee you, this was worse!

carrie fall2

Then came the feedback that I had to stare in the face, and it was devastating. I proverbially lay flat on my face for a couple of days and boy did I have a good pity party going! I found lots of reasons to blame other people for my failure, and here is some of the bullshit that visited me:

  • “I suck at presenting and I should never do it again”
  • “I should give up at any aspirations I have of being successful at speaking”
  • “If only a few people think I did a bad job, then that’s the same as if everyone thinks I failed”

Eventually, the crowd at my pity party got bored and I began to pick myself up off the floor. That’s when the BullBUSTING started showing up, something like this:

  • “In 20+ years of feedback, you’ve had only 1 bad review. And you think you suck at presenting and should give it up? Sounds like your head needs to be better screwed on!”
  • “Why the f- are you focusing on the 1.4% of bad feedback, and not the over 90% good feedback you’ve gotten???!!!
  • “SOME people were disappointed with you, and SOME people really liked you – how many times have YOU been to a presentation and thought the presenter did a lousy job?” Oh yeah, it’s impossible to expect that everyone in the room will have the same experience.
  • “Some of the feedback really did suck, but there were some good lessons in it – why don’t you see if you can figure those out?”
  • “Your intuition is fantastic. Try listening to it instead of overlooking it.”
  • “It would have been really easy for you to run out of that room in the middle of the day and not return. Damn girl, you got a lot of courage for sticking through the entire experience!”

And that’s when I realized how GRATEFUL I was for this failure, and why I refer to it as SPECTACULAR! You see, after I was done beating myself up, I got to realizing there were some basic presenting skills I just completely ignored. So, I found a “presentation 101″ skills training class and took it! I also realized another valuable lesson – I didn’t belong in the room I presented in. It was a different type of audience, and they ultimately wanted something different than I have to offer. So, they helped to point me to the places I do belong. They also helped me see some gaps in my skillset and exactly how to address them. And, the best part? Because I brushed up on my presenting skills, when I presented to another group a week later, where I have always gotten good feedback, I got GREAT feedback.

So, in my point of view, it’s high time we recreate our relationship with failure. Rather than run from it as if it’s a big, hairy monster that wants to eat us, we should embrace it as we would our best friend on a day we are particularly grateful for having them in our lives.

So I leave you today with a challenge – I dare you to fail, and fail REALLY BIG. Do one thing in the next week that you’ve been making excuses about because you’re afraid of failing. (Ok, I am NOT suggesting you do anything that will threaten your life, let me be clear!) Take the risk of stepping outside your comfort zone. And, if you do find yourself hosting a big pity party where you are the guest of honor, then remember this - it takes epic courage to step outside your comfort zone. Pick yourself up off the floor, congratulate yourself on a failure well-done, find the opportunity for growth you just gave yourself (more valuable than gold or diamonds), and then go fail again! :-)

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March 5, 2013  

Today’s Lie: My Past Determines My Future

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past and futureThe Bull 3Throughout our lives, we pile up experiences that we use as justification for what will happen in our future. For example:

  • If your family struggled with money, you may have the belief that money is a struggle
  • If you were teased as a kid and a social misfit, you may believe that no matter what you do, you’re a social misfit, so there is no point trying to be social
  • If you tried to launch a business and it failed, you may decide that you are a failure at business and give up trying
  • If you grew up with the idea reinforced that you don’t have to try so hard because you won’t succeed past a certain point, you may see your future this way as well.
  • If you screwed up a major business proposal or presentation, you might use this as a reason to give up ever doing another one
  • If all your relationships up to this point sucked, or ended up in heart break, you can end up lowering your expectations so you are prepared to have your heart broken and keep being ready to meet more jerks in the future.

 

The BustOur past experiences absolutely DO impact our future. But HOW they impact us is OUR choice! Often times, our past becomes used as a sense of security for us. In the comfort of our past experience, we can use that to simply live comfortably in our future. We can avoid the risk of change, and also avoid the risk of terrible failure or great success, because we choose the stable middle ground that we know instead.

This works both ways! You are probably thinking of all the hard places in your life up to this point, and thinking about how on earth you can step out of believing circumstances can get better. But, let’s say you have a proven past of SUCCESS with, say, investing money and getting big returns. So, you continue to invest, just as you have up to this point, and then BOOM, you lose a huge chunk of change. So, in that case, you would clearly see how relying on your past track record might not be such a good idea all the time.

change future

Then, you might be able to make the next step – your past has simply given you a belief system that you are “stuck” to at this point. If you applied a little disolvent to that figurative glue, you might start opening to the understanding that if you change your belief system, you can also change your future.

Here is more fuel for you. The future has not happened yet! I appreciate that it’s comforting and powerful to think that you are psychic. And, I’m sure that some of you are, or have been, at moments in your life! So, if up to now, you have accurately predicted your future, from past moments…..let me say that better – if you can recall moments in your past, where you made a decision, or took an action, based on past experience and your belief system….and you proved yourself correct, then, you just proved that your beliefs are absolutely in control of your future!!!

successWhen you understand this, you understand that you are responsible for the creation and manifestation of what you want, or do not want, and that you have the power to create and manifest what you really want! And THAT is true BullBusting in action. :-)

Ready to see for yourself how powerful your life can be if you step into BullBusting mode? Set up a complimentary BullBusting session now, or sign up for BullBusting Video Training.

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