January 29, 2013  

Today’s Lie of the Day: “I Know What’s Best For You”

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advice2 The Bull 3Have you ever found yourself looking into the eyes of someone you care about, someone who you know cares about you, and felt like you lost your voice as they spoke to you?  You hear their words – advice and guidance of some sort on whatever challenge is ahead of you – and you know there is good reasoning behind the words, but you feel kind of empty and confused inside?  You want to speak up, disagree, you feel defensive, but the words don’t come out, because, well, this person cares about you, and you believe they know what’s best for you, even if it seems to be other than what you want for yourself.

The worst part of the experience is the loss of your voice.  Especially if you, like me, are someone pretty outspoken, who knows what you want, speak up, communicate, and allow your thoughts to be expressed.  You wonder, “How can I possibly be unable to speak?  Where did my voice go?”

You leave the conversation feeling confused, foggy, and even worse, potentially manipulated into doing something you didn’t want to do.  And then what do you do?  You blame the other person for making you feel this way, swear you’ll watch yourself next time you’re with them, or avoid them all together, because clearly, they have some power over you.

I believe this internal conflict is generated when the person advising you believes that they know what’s best for you, and you want something different for yourself.  When someone is forceful about their ideas for you, it can be easy to be swayed into thinking they are right.  But the bigger piece of this equation is this:

The advice you are being told is good for the giver, but not necessarily for you!

The Bust Think about it.  Parents tell their kids what’s best, but often it’s about what’s best for them, not for the kid!  They want their kid to be safe, secure, and “better off” than they were.  So, for example, a parent might advise their kid on a career path that is “stable, certain to bring you money and benefits which are most important,” and so forth.  The kid, believing they should listen to their parent, follows that advice, and pursues an education and career path in a “stable” direction, but feels empty and unhappy, because they are not on their desired path.

So, in the end, though the road may be bumpy, following your own path, your own voice, and your own beliefs, will lend to you being happier and more satisfied in your life.get clarity

But, what if you’re having one of those moments where you can’t speak up to the advice you’re getting?  Here are some tips:

  1. Stop.  Breathe.  Walk away from the conversation if you have to, take a break for a moment.
  2. Remind.  Say in your mind, “I think I may be hearing advice that’s good for them, and not for me.”  Remind yourself that this is what’s happening so you can approach the conversation differently.
  3. Check in with your inner voice.  Now that you are aware of the situation you’re in, find out what you want here, and where that differs from the advice you’re getting.
  4. Clear Yourself.  Get clear on why you want what you do – is it an inner knowing, a desire, based on experience…..?
  5. Ask questions.  Ask the person why it’s so important to them that you follow this course of action.
  6. Get Clarification. If you are unclear of the answers you are getting, or if you find yourself getting defensive, then say, “When you just said that, I heard you say __________, is that what you meant?”  Summarize what you think they said to find out whether or not you are hearing them as they intended.
  7. Reserve your decision.  In most cases, you probably don’t have to decide right away.  Even if it’s urgent, ask for 15 minutes to go take a walk and mull things over.  Make sure to listen to YOUR thoughts.
  8. Hire a coach – someone who can objectively help you distinguish what you want from what others are advising you.

 

Do you have a thought or phrase that leaves you feeling dis-empowered and stuck?  Share it here, and it might be made into a future lie of the day!


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January 22, 2013  

Today’s Lie: “I Can’t Figure Out How to Use My Facebook Fan Page”

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Technical BullLast week’s blog took you through how to set up your new Facebook Fan Page, so now it’s time to learn quick and easy strategies to use it!

The Bull 3

You think a Facebook fan page, and your profile page should be used to do the same stuff, and you can’t seem to get more than 4 fans, and 3 of them are your relatives…..

The BustA fan page, and a profile page, are actually very different, and serve different purposes.  Attracting fans does take time, but you should know a few key strategies to help you grow!

 

Watch the video below to take the overwhelm out of this valuable social media tool, and learn strategies you can start using right now!  And, if you’re looking for more, click here.

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January 15, 2013  

Today’s Lie: “I Can’t Create a Facebook Fan Page”

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It’s the beginning of a new year, so what better time to confront your technical bull and create that Facebook fan page!  And, introducing the newest bull in the BullBusting herd, here to help you overcome your fear of technology!  ;-)

The Bull 3

 

You think social media is overwhelming, and that you don’t have time to manage it, so you either don’t bother with any of it, or you go on Facebook once in a while, let everyone know you are standing on line for coffee and they ran out of skim milk, your day is ruined…..or you know there are some strategies out there, but can’t figure out how to apply them.
The BustSocial media can be overwhelming if you try to do everything.  But, hey, you don’t have to!  Check out today’s video to learn how to set up your BUSINESS fan page, and why you want it.  Next week’s video will show you how to use it.

No more social media overwhelm!  :-)

Check out the video below (if you can’t see it, click here to access it) and get a walkthrough of the steps and see how easy it is!!

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January 8, 2013  

Today’s Lie: “I Can’t Accomplish My Business Goals”

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Dexter - copyrightIt’s that time of year again!  The time we all start plotting and planning our goals for the year to come.  Life seems full of potential, ideas are streaming in, and we want to grab hold of the best ones.  Of course, we may also be lamenting, slightly, at how we didn’t accomplish everything we planned to last year, and wonder whether, this time, we really will be able to do what we set our minds and hearts out to do.

The Bull 3Year after year, you set goals, and towards the end of the year, you realize many, or even most, never got done.  You feel really shitty, and are considering not setting any goals, ever again, because they are stupid, and just make you feel badly about yourself.

 

The BustIt may not be your motivation that’s the issue!  It could be that you haven’t defined your goals clearly enough to make them accomplishable.  With that in mind, I created a Goal-Setting form that you can download below for free, and, a walkthrough of it and some helpful strategies in the video below.

 

 

 

Download your FREE Goal Seeting Spreadsheet Here!

 

 

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